I seriously ask myself this question at least once a day. Am I doing enough for N, is Z getting enough time with mommy? It drives me crazy. I think the biggest issue is the amount of "stuff" we are told to do by the various therapists.
For example for N: his PT wants us to work on sitting, rolling (to his right side from back to belly, he can go to his left), crawling, crossing mid line, standing, and walking. His Oral/Motor specialist wants us to spend 15 minutes a day working on jaw strength/chewing as well as trying to get him to drink from a regular cup, his OT wants us to work on pincer grasp for his left hand (his left side is his weaker side and while he can use the left, he chooses not too), and his DI wants us to work on waving hi/bye, clapping, identifying things, and language in general. This is in addition to the therapy sessions he has every day (except Monday's), and of course nap time (the boys still take two per day) must be fit in, as well as 3 meals a day and 2 snacks a day. Obviously we can't (and aren't expected) to work on all of the things his PT has assigned as "homework" everyday. But we are supposed to work on 2-3 each day. As for Z, we are working on language for him as well as walking. It makes for days that fly by. It also makes for a mommy who asks, what about fun time?
I try to fit in the PT stuff 3 times per day, the language constantly, and the OT stuff at meals. I need to get better on the Oral/Motor assignment as I am always forgetting to do the jaw strengthening (he uses the cup at dinnertime). I make it work, but it isn't easy and I always feel like I should be doing more. More therapy, more exercises, and more learning time.
I worry about not taking the boys to the park, or for a walk, or in the pool, etc. Am I doing them a huge disservice focusing so much on therapy and not doing typical "kid" stuff? Is it not a huge deal right now because they are so young and won't remember anyway? The mommy guilt kicks into high gear, particularly when someone asks me "Did you take the boys for a walk today?" or "Were you able to get out and enjoy this beautiful weather?" (ok that particular phrase hasn't been used in about two months considering how hot its been). I feel awful when I say no.
I also have a hard time working with N and making Z play by himself, or telling him "No" as he tries to climb on mommy while I'm trying to help N sit, or do stretches. I try to make it up to him and spend one on one time with him (particularly on the weekend when daddy is home to help) but I worry that it isn't enough and that Z will resent his brother.
I don't want them to have a childhood filled with constant work and no play, they are children and deserve to have fun. I also don't want to look back and think "if I had made N work on sitting a little more, would he be walking today". It's those things that run through your mind, the possible consequences and, outcomes of every move you make now on your child's future.
Does the mommy guilt ever end?
My son's early intervention worker told me not to call it therapy - to call it play! I have to do more therapy with one son and less with the other. My son who does not need as much therapy "helps" with his brother's therapy. A couple months ago I had a small meltdown because I felt like I never get to just play with my boys. I decided to turn their therapies into play time and I do take time to take them to the park because you can do therapy there too. My son who is walking strengthens his walking skills by walking through the sand and my son who does not walk crawls up the steps to the slide and he loves to go in the swings. When he is in the swings (he does not speak yet - at 2 1/2 years old) I make funny sounds for him and he loves it when I count to 10 and sing the ABCs. Swimming is also a great therapy for kids with CP. My boys love to go to the pool. Take time to do the fun things and squeeze in a little therapy if you feel like it (or don't - you can have one day of just play - it won't erase all the hard work you are doing with him). Take care and know that you are doing the best for your son - try to let the guilt go.
ReplyDeleteThat seems like oh so many things to have you focus on! I understand the idea behind having them practice to stand even before they're crawling, but to have it be your primary focus always seemed silly to me.
ReplyDeleteI always focused on things in their natural progression. My daughter can't walk and can stand semi-unassisted if she's leaning against the couch or the windowsill to look outside. So while we do that when it comes up naturally in our day - "what should we do? Oh, let's watch the cars drive by!" - then I do it. But otherwise I focus more on sitting and crawling, because that's what she's capable (or almost capable of) doing.
Sometimes I feel like once they say "do this!", we forget that some of it is stuff we HAVE been doing. Like language - if you have conversations with your child, that's working on language! It doesn't have to be "let's sit here for 30 minutes and work." Talking to them in the store, in the car, while you make dinner - that's language practice. And like Jenny said, you can try to incorporate it into play time. Yesterday, we were outside picking up pine cones, and so I would make Julia pick them up with her right hand (her affected hand), or have her pick up two, because even though she'd pick it up with her left, she'd transfer it to her right in order to get the second one. And because we were doing something fun, she didn't protest.
If we lived in a vacuum, where we had one kid who had boundless energy and we had boundless energy and didn't need to eat or sleep or shop or take care of our house or just have a moment to "be", then we could give therapy 24 hours a day. But we don't live in a vacuum. You do the best you can, trying to balance your children's needs, your needs, your husband's needs, etc.
I am definitely trying to combine things (like sitting and "reading" a book, etc.) which I think will help. To be honest I mainly focus on sitting with N (with some "standing" time in his AFO's each day as I know standing is important for hip development) because I feel that once he can sit on his own a whole new world will open up as he will be able to sit and play with a toy (with the added bonus of sitting will strengthen his core muscles)
ReplyDeleteI also think that as they get a little older, it will become easier. Even right now, taking the boys to the park is a lot. Neither walks, and going down the slide, etc. isn't really what they want to do right now. In a few months (when the cooler weather comes in the fall I think) it will be different and I am definitely going to make more of an effort to get out and about, and utilize some of your suggestions! We do have a swing set in our backyard as well as a small pool and I do try to get the boys outside for a little while each day. The heat has been insane this month though and so we have spent most of our days inside in the a/c.
I have an idea to work on sitting if you are interested - when my son was learning how to sit (he finally sat unassisted at the age of 17 months) my therapist suggested I sit him in front of the fridge and give him magnets to play with. This forced him to stay in an upright position instead of flopping forward. I also put a pillow behind him in case he fell backwards. He really enjoyed playing with the magnets and I believe this activity helped him a lot with his sitting.
ReplyDeleteJenny- thats a GREAT idea!!! Thanks so much for sharing! I will have to get some magnets (the ones I currently have are definitely a choking hazard so we put them away) and work on that.
ReplyDeleteWe have the LeapFrog Fridge Wash & Go Magnetic Vehicle Set and I know there is also a LeapFrog Fridge Farm Magnetic Animal Set. They are awesome!
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