Loneliness.........

Being the parent of a child with special needs is lonely.  It's hard to really have a social life with everything else you have going on, and it's also hard to connect with people who aren't in the same place you are.  Don't get me wrong, I have some great friends both in real life and online but all of them either don't have kids or don't have kids with special needs.  Not that I want to surround myself (or my children) with only families like us, since that isn't what we should do but I guess it would be nice to have someone to talk to or go out with who is in the same (or at least similar) place that I am. 

I feel awkward going to an event with my local multiples group since they can all just let their kids run around and play, but I can't.  But I also don't necessarily fit in with a family that has a child with special needs, because Z doesn't. And seeing him run around and play might be upsetting to the other family.  I feel like we really don't fit in anywhere, and for some reason its really hitting me lately.  The weather is getting nicer and people are planning play date and I just feel lonely.   I don't want to keep the boys isolated, they need to learn to play with other children so I need to get past this (since I am sure its all in my head) but it's definitely a struggle. 

A day at the zoo

We had some beautiful weather today so the boys and I headed to the zoo.  I thought it would be good to get them out and it was, but for me...........it was difficult.  There were so many kids walking around playing, climbing on fake animals.  In particular there was a set of twins, only 15 months old, identical, and walking all over.  I wanted to cry.  Just when I think I have accepted, it hits me again.  I know it will pass, but in the moment......its hard.  I think the pregnancy hormones make it worse, or at least that's what I keep telling myself.  I can blame post partum after that, so I figure I have at least a year or so of excuses left.  It gets easier I think, as time passes.  But there are still some days when I am back in that initial grieving stage that I thought I had left behind. 

It seems silly to get so upset still.  N is doing SO well!  Each day I am amazed by the stamina this little boy has.  Yesterday was a pretty good day as well and so we took his gait trainer outside and walked up the block.  I think seeing Z walking ahead of him gives him motivation and while he at times still needs the tiniest of pushes from behind (I mean I am literally barely touching it but I think it lets him think I am helping even when he really doesn't need it) N is doing fantastically with it.  At PT on Tuesday he was working on pulling himself to stand and working on cruising.  I am just so very proud of him!  N has also started to say "more" (which you know he is saying since he signs it with the word, otherwise you would have no clue) and I know more words are coming!

Z is also doing great.  All of a sudden in the last two weeks his speech has exploded.  It started with the word "more" (well his version of it) while signing it too so I knew he knew what it meant.  Now he is trying to say fruit, down, dog, milk, sit, and his brothers name.  He walks everywhere now and loves to be outside.  I am looking forward to when everyday is nice out and we can go play all the time.